Do you ever have one of those days where there is just an excited feeling in the depths of your guts? No, I’m not pregnant. But I do feel like there’s new life bubbling within me. No, it’s not gas.
Anyways…
“God is good.” Something we say, and sometimes really mean, but I guess it’s that, I can feel it. And not the sort of feeling you get when you open a new box of chocolates, endless opportunity, and they’re all there looking so lovely and un-fingerprinted simply waiting. No. Not even the squishy, squashy, giddy feeling you get when you peer into the eyes of a new baby. No, more like the feeling of a fresh gust of perfectly clement, sunshiny wind sweeping over you, closed eyes, deep breath, trees whooshing in your ears and feet solid, steady, held fast on the ground. Yeah, and maybe the feeling is more about the feet than the wind and the sunshine. Ok, maybe I sound like a loon. But I’m getting it.“God is good.” And not because he’s given me an incredible family and beautiful friendships, not because I have the things I need and so much I’ve wanted. No, not because of anything. But just because He is. And it isn't even a feeling. It's a reality.
“God is good.” Something we say, and sometimes really mean, but I guess it’s that, I can feel it. And not the sort of feeling you get when you open a new box of chocolates, endless opportunity, and they’re all there looking so lovely and un-fingerprinted simply waiting. No. Not even the squishy, squashy, giddy feeling you get when you peer into the eyes of a new baby. No, more like the feeling of a fresh gust of perfectly clement, sunshiny wind sweeping over you, closed eyes, deep breath, trees whooshing in your ears and feet solid, steady, held fast on the ground. Yeah, and maybe the feeling is more about the feet than the wind and the sunshine. Ok, maybe I sound like a loon. But I’m getting it.“God is good.” And not because he’s given me an incredible family and beautiful friendships, not because I have the things I need and so much I’ve wanted. No, not because of anything. But just because He is. And it isn't even a feeling. It's a reality.
A few years ago when things seemed ever changing and unsteady. When I felt tossed around like a boat on angry waters. God said something to me. Not a shout or a whisper, and not into my ears, but into my heart like a sucker punch. The good kind that stuns you for a second but then clears your head. (Not that I've ever had the experience of being punched in a good way, but I can imagine...) This "word" from God wasn’t completely out of nowhere because I was listening…per se. Actually, maybe it was more that I was taking a breath after a long talk at him. I cried. I told him all about the waves and my little boat. He politely let me finish. Then he said, “Sydni, I am the same, yesterday, today and forever.” It might not sound like much to you, but you didn’t hear him say it. It quite literally changed everything for me.
Since that day a few years ago, I’ve pondered that moment we had. That moment when suddenly the waves around me quieted, and my little boat seemed to anchor. And after so many years of jollily saying, “God is good.” I heard my stunned and maybe even a bit fearful voice say, “Who is this God? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” (Matt 8:27) A defining moment. A reality check.
Because it was in that moment that I noticed something. He’s in my boat. No, not that I didn’t know he was there, and not that he hadn’t been there since I can remember. It was more that I had let him sleep while I did all the boat-y stuff until it got to the point of sinking. (I think I need to abandon the whole boat metaphor now because I don’t really have a clue of what people actually do on a boat, i.e., “boat-y stuff”. Guess I’ll “jump ship!” Haha! Wow. Ok…)
So since that day, there have been major storms, so to speak. But something has changed.
My feet.
I know we’re back in Loony Town with that one, but stick with me for a second. I can look back and see how I would run to God over and over and over. He was more like someone who I went to for the advice I needed, or the warm hug, or even the sucker punch, but I seemed to somehow find myself “running back to him”. The other thing that changed is who he is to me. He’s Jesus, he's God. Not a story book character or even a great historical figure, but a reality. (This is actually extremely profound. Do you need to re-read it? Or maybe you have to experience it. Yeah, that's probably it.) Anyways when I say "a reality" I don't mean just someone I can sit next to and talk to, but God! It's like this. I knew with my brain and even excitedly shouted to other people when they asked. I knew all about him. Where he liked to eat, who his friends are. I quoted him and wore his Tshirt, but I needed to follow him, obey him, and know him from there. My feet don't have to run back and forth anymore.
It’s funny because it was only too recently that I understood how his disciples, though they had been with him day in and day out through all sorts of miracles and talks, could still say, “show us the Father, and that will be enough for us.” (John 14:8) Before, I couldn’t get passed how ridiculous that was. How could they ask to see God when he was standing right in front of them?!
Now, I get it.
It’s funny because it was only too recently that I understood how his disciples, though they had been with him day in and day out through all sorts of miracles and talks, could still say, “show us the Father, and that will be enough for us.” (John 14:8) Before, I couldn’t get passed how ridiculous that was. How could they ask to see God when he was standing right in front of them?!
Now, I get it.
